Why the fetish

[fu2 (deleted)]

G'day all,
I smoke and my partner smokes. I dont have a fet--- but i have recently discovered that my parnter has a fetish. I dont understand why. I know he enjoys looking at these pictures and movies, and i thought our S-- life was pretty good, maybe i as wrong. I feel betrayed as he obviously keeps this secret.
I guess what i want to know, while im sitting here feeling heart broken, is should i worry, should i confront him about it then maybe we can talk about it.
Also how did you partners react when you told them, if you told them, and if you didnt tell them, why didnt you.

Please help me im really confused. I am in no way a prude i just dont understandwhy he couldnt tell me. And what are the chanches of him wanting to forfil these fantasies and leaving his family over a fetish

[julietv (deleted)]

Dear FU:
Perhaps I don't understand your concerns but where is the problem, since you found out that yoru hubby is blessed with smoiking fetishes. And you both smoke, so you could USE his fet--- to get even better sex, smoky S-- to please him and he'll reciprocate in ways you will find pleasing and satisfying. Enjoy your continued smoking, both of you and sometimes together too

JulieTV

[fu2 (deleted)]

Hi Julie,
Im concerned because he obviously thought he had to keep it from me. Im also concerned because he spends time at his computer instead of spending time with me and his family. Although i dont consider myself ugly, the "women" in these pics and movies are mostly teenagers and gorgeous in a very ----ty way, and im 36 and dont look like a ----.

[alx1169]

`Hi Fu:

I undurstand your concerns. I'm a male with a smoking fet--- and many times it was very difficult to tell it to my partners. We think that our fet--- might sound very weird for the rest of the world, so that's why many of us keep it just for ourselves.
About the pics and movies, those are models working for commercial productions. Their look was chosen by the producer, not your husband.
I agree 100% with julietv, you both smoke so give it a chance! Surprise him pulling out a cigarette when you are in an intimate moment. Believe me, if you do that you will have him at your feet!
Best of luck...
Alx

[fu2 (deleted)]

Thanks Axl and Julie.
I thought about "lighting up" during sex, as i said I'm not a prude, i like things to be different as well, in fact I've been told i can be quite out there, and my partner knows I'm pretty open minded. I'm afraid i will embarrass him if i just do it.
I'm very open about S-- and i guess i am feeling just a bit insecure because he's looking elsewhere and that he's doing it secretly.
I figured if maybe i talked to like minded people first i would know how to approach him about it without the embarrassment.
Thanks again guys, and anymore advice would be greatly appreciated.

Cheers, FU

[bryanm]

Hey, FU -

Although I don't know all the specifics of your situation, I really don't think you have too much to worry about.

People keep this sort of thing a secret not because they "think they have to keep it" from their partner, but because it's a very difficult thing to open up about, and has the potential to damage or even (possibly?) destroy a relationship.

I'm sure you don't see it that way, but I'll bet he does.

I'm also sure you fulfill at least some of his fantasies anyway. He wouldn't have married you if you didn't.

As far as his 'straying afield', don't worry - the opportunities are rare, if not virtually non-existent. I'm single, and I always have an eye out for these sorts of opportunities; they just don't come up. So no worries there, really.

I have yet to hear any kind of valid, satisfactory explanation as to how or why this sort of fet--- exists. If you ask most people around here, they'll tell you they just don't know. It's certainly not by choice, and it's also not something that can be turned on or off at will.

Julie and alx are right: if you wanna have some fun and spice things up, you could really use this to your advantage. I won't go into details, but there are all sorts of things you could do to incorporate this aspect of his interests into your romantic life (once in a while?!)

Good luck!

[jerryfrombama (deleted)]

`Hi FU,
I can truely understand what your husband is feeling. If it where me it would be sheer embarassment about you discovering his secret fetish. Fetishes are a very personal thing and your husband is very lucky to have a wife as understanding as you are. Take your time and tell him you understand. Let him know that it may even turn you on to light up during intimate moments...even if it's not a turn on for you it may make him feel more comfortable about the fet--- and more open with you. Having the smoking fet--- is almost like a curse in some instances. It, like any other fet--- I'm sure, has a strong hold on it's victim. He looks at the pictures and the movies as merely an outlet. If he were to betray your love and trust he would stray and look for an outlet outside the home. From what I've read here he hasn't done that. I can imagine it's very hard for someone to understand this that doesn't have the fetish. As for me, I grew up around women who smoked, and they did it with style and they were unapologetic about where they smoked or who was around. It was always forbidden for me growing up but I was always around it. I was always attracted to women who smoked so I thought by becoming a smoker myself I could be closer to them. That's the reason why I picked up the habit. Without even knowing it I had developed a smoking fetish. And for a long time I thought I was the only one out there who was so attracted to women that smoked. Even when I found the sites on the internet i was still embarrassed about revealing my fetish, and to this day I still am. But if there where someone special in my life that tried to understand it, accepted it, and even used it as an opportunity to improve our relationship...well what more can a man ask for. It sounds to me like you're on the right track and your worries (while understandable) may be misplaced. Your husbands a lucky man, and by telling him how you really feel about this you have a unique opportunity to remind him just how lucky he is. Keep in mind also the smoking is only a small part of the equation. Men marry and love women because of who they are, not the lifestyle choices (such as smoking) they make.

[imonetoo]

I sure do understand Jerryfromabama, where he's coming from. Same situation for me, grew up in a house where smoking was forbidden (ex smoking father), and it was especially bad for women to smoke. Having been a non smoking teen, I started noticing around age 19, that I was attracted to women who were smokers. I think it has something to do with the defiance of the act itself, being not ashamed of it, smoking in front of anyone anywhere.... is that confidence or what??? Especially since all you here anywhere is "smoking is bad for you" la de da.. we all know that, lol....

So, I started smoking as an adult, first wife smoked and was aware that it turned me on, and hate to say it, but S-- never was as great after she quit several years later. To this day, I am sure that was one major reason she left me, just hated it that I was turned on by women who smoked.

It's very hard to tell a partner about this fetish, because it's bad for you of course, and we are not supposed to want someone we're with to do bad things to themself. And many smokers have this thought that they may quit someday, and are thinking that if smoking is important to you, the relationship may fly apart if they quit.

My current gf whom I believe I'll marry was an ex smoker when we met, I'd only decided to meet her because we'd chatted long enough, and just dated casually from that time on. I did open up to her about my fetish, also told her there's no cure for a fet--- either. A few months later she started smoking again.

To a true fetishist, a woman has to be a "real" smoker, not just a casual smoker who does it just to arouse the partner. As time went on, other things worked out, and we're dating full time now, very committed, and I'm very certain that she's going to remain a smoker, and a d*** good one.

Fu2, (funny name), you can do a lot for your husband without being Barbie. Ever get into some sexy skirt while you're about to have fun and exhale smoke into his lungs? or vice versa? This ought to get him "going".
I love smoking during S-- and both my gf and I do, she's not into the fetish, but loves to smoke (so I believe), and it certainly makes S-- more erotic, naughty, and hot!! But I find that just knowing she's smoking a lot at all other times is enough in itself to get me excited that sometimes I don't need to smoke during S-- either.... just knowing how much thick rich smoke is going into her lungs each and every day, wow!

See FU, it's not just the sexy models on the websites, who knows if they are even smokers? Anyone can model with a cig, ever notice there's often times no ashtray nearby? Or lighting with a match? So unreal these days.
Hope this helps you FU.

[imonetoo]

PS
In the past 6 years of being on my own, I've not dated one woman who doesn't smoke, and wouldn't dream of it, no matter how nice they look. Also can't stand being around women who are "trying to quit"... finding a true smoker is hard these days for sure, makes them that much more special...

[CANCIONILA (deleted)]

`My current gf whom I believe I'll marry was an ex smoker when we met, I'd only decided to meet her because we'd chatted long enough, and just dated casually from that time on. I did open up to her about my fetish, also told her there's no cure for a fet--- either. A few months later she started smoking again but my partners and all my family know about it